Chapter Four: The Past

Within the inner chambers of the Lu family, the First Madam had passed away early, and the Second Madam had followed Master Lu to his new post in Shanghai. The eldest daughter had long since married, the second daughter was as dull as a log, the fourth daughter was still a child, and so the household affairs fell mostly to the Old Madam, assisted by the concubine of the main house. But the Old Madam was aged and her energy waned, leaving most responsibilities in the concubine’s hands.

The “Second Madam” spoken of by Nurse Qian was not Lu Yalan’s birth mother, but rather the woman Master Lu married after his first wife died. Everyone claimed the Second Madam was kind-hearted, attentive to the children of her predecessor; whenever she returned home, more than half her gifts were for the second daughter. If ever there was discord between the second and third daughters, regardless of fault, the Second Madam would always defend the second daughter first. Those who had met her praised her benevolence.

Yet, such matters are truly understood only by those involved. The Second Madam’s gifts were many, but not one was practical. Cheongsams, riding attire, lace dresses—these modern garments, if Lu Yalan wore them, would instantly earn her a reputation for scandalous behavior, so they languished in a dusty corner. Yet as tokens from an elder, and curiosities from Shanghai, Lu Yalan could only accept them with gratitude.

Then there was the third daughter, seemingly born with a grudge against her. Each time she returned, she would bring the fourth daughter to make trouble for Yalan. When matters escalated, the Second Madam would arrive, and somehow, after a flurry of activity, it would be concluded that the second daughter was petty and intolerant of her sisters.

In this household, where rules held sway over all, a single accusation of unfilial conduct or defiance towards elders could crush a person. Without parental protection, Lu Yalan could only endure.

She had suffered many such silent losses and gradually learned to be obedient.

Nurse Qian managed Yilan Garden and was naturally clear on these matters. Hearing her mention the Second Madam now, Lu Yalan felt only disgust.

She suddenly lost the desire to speak, preferring to see what Nurse Qian would say.

Nurse Qian dabbed her eyes with a handkerchief, waiting for her young mistress to comfort her. When no sound came for a long while, she looked up and met a pair of eyes, dark and clear.

There was no longer any melancholy or ingratiating look in those eyes, nor did they shift away under her gaze. The once meek and timid young mistress seemed somehow changed.

Nurse Qian instinctively looked away, then turned back, emboldened to scold, “Miss, you are too willful. How could you not tell me you were ill, and instead trouble the young master? Where does that leave me?”

She conveniently forgot that when Yalan was burning with fever, no one could be found.

Lu Yalan frowned, but Nurse Qian pressed on, revealing her true purpose: “And that little wretch Hongxing chased Ah Xiang and beat her mercilessly, then dared twist the facts before the young master. Miss, you must see the truth. Yilan Garden is vast and needs many hands; it’s impossible for everyone to serve you at all times. A moment’s neglect shouldn’t mean shutting someone in the woodshed…”

Just recovered from illness and her heart in turmoil, Lu Yalan lacked her usual patience. She felt as if a swarm of flies buzzed incessantly in her ears.

She cut off Nurse Qian’s words, “If I’m not mistaken, Ah Xiang is my personal maid, isn’t she?”

A personal maid was equivalent to a first-class servant, earning the highest wages aside from the housekeeper, but Ah Xiang, despite her wages, never attended to Lu Yalan. The so-called busywork of Yilan Garden never seemed to fall to Nurse Qian’s own granddaughter.

“I’m thirsty.” Seeing Nurse Qian’s brows knit, about to protest, Yalan softly added, “I haven’t had a sip of water since I woke.”

Nurse Qian paused, finally swallowing her words and turning to pour water, returning after a while with a cup.

Lu Yalan sat up, took the cup, and sipped. The tea was too hot, impossible to drink.

In fact, this tea had only appeared after the young master stormed into the second sister’s room and discovered not even a cup of hot water.

Nurse Qian grew uneasy; after all, she was a servant. Normally, she could rely on the second daughter’s tender age and gentle disposition to get away with small tricks, but when faced with the young master—the undisputed future master of the Lu family—she had to submit.

“The water’s a bit hot, but it’s good to drink something warm when you’re ill,” Nurse Qian ventured, uncertain whether Yalan would complain to the young master.

“You’ve been sick, and things are chaotic. We’re short-handed, Ah Xiang is locked in the woodshed, and the others are doing several people’s work. Miss, please be understanding.” Nurse Qian said this as she sat at the bedside, tucking the covers, all the while affecting concern.

Yilan Garden had only Yalan as its mistress, yet she was so neglected she couldn’t even get a drink of water—that was enough to make outsiders laugh. But Lu Yalan had heard such excuses for years and didn’t care to argue.

She ignored Nurse Qian’s words and asked, “Where’s Hongxing?”

Nurse Qian’s face darkened, surprised that her mistress had made things difficult for her twice in succession. Still, she reasoned that after such an ordeal, it was normal for Yalan to hold some resentment.

Yet her discomfort showed as her tone grew more forceful, “That wretched girl, brawling and bullying others, what rules has she left? If word gets out, it’ll disgrace Yilan Garden. Caught by the young master, she’s lucky to escape with her life. Miss, you are the most well-behaved; you must know what’s important.”

Lu Yalan could no longer sit still. She pushed herself up, intent on seeking out Lu Yabai.

Nurse Qian panicked.

Lu Yabai had locked Ah Xiang in the woodshed and detained a group of servants, but had held off on punishment, waiting for his second sister to recover, since she was the true mistress of Yilan Garden. He had seen Hongxing’s loyalty and had not minded her chasing people through the courtyard; he only instructed her to care well for the second sister.

Nurse Qian hated Hongxing for reporting to the young master. With her granddaughter’s fate uncertain, she waited for the young master to leave, then had Hongxing bound and beaten.

Nurse Qian wielded considerable authority in Yilan Garden. The servants feared the young master’s later wrath, but feared Nurse Qian even more. Since he had shown her some respect, they believed that if Nurse Qian pleaded with the young mistress or the concubine, all would be well. Thus, when Nurse Qian bound her mistress’s maid, no one hesitated.

In Nurse Qian’s mind, she ought to have had Hongxing beaten half to death, filled her with medicine, and thrown her among the beggars in the back alleys, so that she could not even die if she wished. If anyone noticed Hongxing’s disappearance later, any excuse would suffice, and the masters would never trouble themselves over a nameless servant girl.

Yet, fearing Yalan might make a scene and jeopardize her granddaughter, she settled for having Hongxing beaten with twenty strokes and thrown into the woodshed.

Nurse Qian knew how fond Lu Yalan was of Hongxing, and now that her mistress wanted to ask the young master for her, she was anxious. She had expected the matter to be settled once Yalan recovered; without Hongxing, Yalan would rely more on her. Never did she imagine her mistress, still weak from illness, would insist on protecting Hongxing.

If Yalan went now, the young master would not spare her.

“Miss, what are you doing? You’re not fully recovered; you mustn’t take the wind. My dear mistress, for my sake, let’s not go, shall we?”

“If anything happens to you, every servant in Yilan Garden will suffer. Miss, please pity the others as well?”

Lu Yalan was unmoved. In her heart, all of Yilan Garden’s servants were not worth a single Hongxing.

Seeing this, Nurse Qian steeled herself and sat down on the floor, wailing loudly.

“My dear mistress, I raised you with my own hands, yet you value a rule-breaking maid more than me—how could you be so heartless…”

Blocked by Nurse Qian, Lu Yalan could not leave. Her body, still fragile from illness, could not endure such exertion and she sat by the bed, gasping for air.

Nurse Qian flailed on the floor, darting her eyes about, her crying all show and no tears. Lu Yalan found the scene oddly familiar and recalled a memory.

When Lu Yalan was eleven or twelve, the winter was bitterly cold. The Lu family’s supply of coal was insufficient, and the market offered little at exorbitant prices. Coal had to be reserved for the masters.

Each person was allotted enough, but when it reached Lu Yalan, she received barely half as much as the others—though she was unaware at the time.

Nurse Qian often told her not to trouble the Old Madam, lest she be deemed unfilial and disliked; to obey the concubine, never defying elders; always report happiness, never woes, for no one likes a child who stirs up trouble.

Yalan, relying completely on her nurse, took all her words to heart.

But that winter was so cold, her room lacked sufficient coal, so she had to ration it. Every night, Hongxing would sleep first, warming the bedding before letting Yalan lie down, placing Yalan’s hands and feet beneath her own belly for warmth.

Eventually, Hongxing’s hands developed chilblains. Yalan summoned her courage to ask the Old Madam for more coal, but Nurse Qian stopped her.

Nurse Qian claimed every master’s coal allotment was the same. If Yalan was cold, so were the others. If she asked the Old Madam, and received more coal, the others would suffer—that was unfilial. If the Old Madam refused her, Yalan would continue to freeze, making the Old Madam appear uncaring. So, she must not go.

After much hesitation, seeing Hongxing’s swollen hands, Yalan decided to ask her brother for some coal.

At that time, Nurse Qian had performed just such a dramatic scene, rolling on the ground to prevent her from going, promising to borrow coal herself, never letting her mistress suffer.

Yalan had been deeply moved, telling Hongxing she would always honor her nurse.

Yet later, she happened by chance to see Nurse Qian’s granddaughter, windows wide open in the depths of winter, letting out heat.

Yalan’s eyes narrowed. Was Nurse Qian blocking her now because she feared her lies would be exposed?

She suddenly tensed, her hands unconsciously clutching the bedsheet.

If Hongxing were with her brother, she need not worry; he would never abuse her maid. But if Hongxing was in Nurse Qian’s hands…

The thought that Hongxing might quietly die somewhere unknown chilled Yalan to the core.

Remembering the past, thinking of Hongxing, recalling the reckless girl in her memory, and seeing Nurse Qian’s face before her, Yalan’s turbulent emotions surged. Tears, unnoticed, spilled down her cheeks like broken pearls. She seized the cup beside her and hurled it.

Nurse Qian was still lamenting her misfortune, never expecting the cup to fly at her. She shrieked, leaping aside, but was scalded by the hot water.

Ever since she became the young mistress’s nurse, Nurse Qian had never been treated so. Her first instinct was to plant her hands on her hips and hurl curses, but at the last moment she remembered it was her mistress who had drenched her. The words stuck in her throat, her face flushed with suppressed rage.

For a moment, only their breathing disturbed the silence of the orchid-scented air.

“Where is Hongxing?”

Yalan’s tears fell anew, making her look fragile and easy to bully, but her voice was cold, and her clear eyes stared straight at Nurse Qian, sending a shiver through her.

It was as if a bucket of cold water had been poured onto red-hot iron; Nurse Qian instantly deflated. Only then did she realize how different her mistress was from before.