Chapter 3

Late at night, Zhu Ming sat before the candlelight, smiling as he held his painting and gazed at his wife.

The orange glow of the flame cast his handsome profile in sharp relief. His wife, Shen Yun, was so flustered by his gaze that she lowered her head in embarrassment.

“Ming, it’s late. Stop painting, it’ll hurt your eyes,” Shen Yun said, cradling her pregnant belly.

But Zhu Ming only laughed. “Ayun, painting you by day can’t capture the same radiance as this lamplight.”

Shen Yun clicked her tongue at him. “You pick up all these odd sayings when you’re out. How can the same person have two faces, one by day and one by night? Put your painting away and get some sleep. If the candle keeps burning and Mother-in-law sees, she’ll say you’re wasting wax again.”

So Zhu Ming rose to fetch water and wash up by the stove. Only after he left did Shen Yun stand and look at the painting he’d left behind.

In the painting, the wife wore simple clothes; her face was serene and gentle, her features soft. Zhu Ming had captured seven or eight parts of her spirit on the paper.

It seemed her husband’s skill in portraiture had improved again, Shen Yun thought to herself.

Though Zhu Ming was handsome, Shen Yun was no less beautiful—a fair face untouched by sun, natural arched brows like distant hills, eyes clear as autumn water. She, too, was a striking figure.

After a while, Zhu Ming returned, having finished his washing. Shen Yun was already lying on her side in bed. Zhu Ming put his painting away.

The lamp went out. He lay down carefully beside Shen Yun, his hand resting gently on her shoulder, sighing, “It’s still most comfortable being with you.”

In the darkness, he said to her, “You’ve worked hard these days. I see you’ve grown thinner. Di is still young, the two girls in between are at the age where they’re most troublesome, and even the older two, though easier, still cause worry. Now you’re expecting again—it makes me anxious to see it.”

Shen Yun was silent for a while, then replied, “Since I became pregnant this time, Di’s been sleeping with his grandmother. This pregnancy’s been steady enough, only it came so soon—I had no strength to care for Di.”

This child had been conceived when Di was barely a year old, too soon after the last. The frequent pregnancies before had already been exhausting.

Once she bore this child, Shen Yun felt she didn’t want to have any more. She already had enough children.

One barely out of her arms before another came along—one after another. In over a decade of marriage, all her energy seemed spent on motherhood.

Just the thought of more to come after this one filled her with endless anxiety.

But she had never spoken of this restlessness, not even to her husband.

Only once, after giving birth to Ying and during her month of confinement, had her mother visited and keenly sensed her mood.

Her mother had told her, “This isn’t your first child—what’s there to fear? What woman is afraid of childbirth?”

After that, Shen Yun no longer fussed over it.

The couple lay in silence for a while. Zhu Ming was still awake, looking at his wife’s silhouette in the darkness.

He asked again, “Is this one in your belly giving you a hard time?”

Zhu Ming’s hand touched her abdomen. Shen Yun’s voice was soft in the dark. “The first few months were hard, but it’s better now.”

Neither of them could sleep, so Zhu Ming began to talk about Zhu Xuan. “Xuan is six now—she ought to start school.”

“But Mother-in-law won’t allow it.”

“I feel Xuan truly wants to learn, though.”

“Maybe it’s just a passing fancy. What’s so fun about school? She might clamor to quit after a few days. Children are like that,” Shen Yun replied, her voice growing drowsy.

“You’re probably right. Her birthday’s soon anyway. If she can’t go this year, next year will do.” Zhu Ming said. They spoke of other matters for a while, then drifted to sleep.

As for whether Xuan should attend school, no conclusion was reached.

…

The next morning, the three Zhu sisters woke one after another. The girls were still small, so the three of them shared a room and two beds. Zhu Lian, the eldest, had her own bed; the two younger ones slept together.

Zhu Lian dressed herself and tied up her own hair, then turned to look at her sisters.

Zhu Ying was still bleary-eyed, sitting at the head of the bed. Zhu Xuan’s hair was loose, and she sat behind her younger sister, awkwardly trying to style Ying’s hair.

Unable to stand it any longer, Zhu Lian took a comb and a hair tie, sat behind Xuan, and began to do her hair.

With deft hands, Lian quickly twisted Xuan’s hair into a pair of simple double buns, wrapped in red ribbon, making them look like playful cat ears.

With Xuan’s hair now neatly done, Ying’s hair, in contrast, was messily half-styled by her second sister.

Ying was now fully awake, and, seeing through the mirror that her second sister had such cute cat-ear buns, she exclaimed, “Xuan, I want that too!”

Xuan, while admiring her own reflection, replied helplessly, “I only know how to make double knots, not cat ears.”

She looked pleadingly at Lian for help. Lian scoffed and nudged her aside. “Out of the way, clumsy. Let me do it.”

Xuan hopped up quickly, watching as Lian’s nimble fingers turned Ying’s hair into a neat and pretty style in moments.

“Breakfast is ready! Are you three girls done yet?” Old Lady Sun’s voice rang out from the kitchen.

Three pairs of cat ears poked out from the room in perfect order, eldest to youngest.

The whole family sat down, waiting for Old Lady Sun to serve breakfast. This morning, they had multigrain porridge, a plate of tofu in soy sauce, and a dish of pickled radish.

Xuan quickly finished a bowl of porridge, and then, as if by magic, Old Lady Sun produced several eggs.

Clearly, Xuan would get none. Zhu Ming received one egg; Shen Yun, being pregnant, another; Tang got one; little Di, being young, had a bowl of egg custard.

Ying looked on longingly. Lian and Xuan pretended not to see. Tang broke his own egg and gave a small piece to Ying. Zhu Ming also split his, giving half to Lian and half to Xuan.

Ying accepted Tang’s portion and ate it. Xuan, watching Old Lady Sun out of the corner of her eye, quickly swallowed her share before she could be noticed.

Lian, however, sat with her half egg, unsure, looking at her father. Zhu Ming smiled kindly at his eldest daughter. “Eat.”

Only then did Lian begin to nibble at her egg, bite by small bite.

Old Lady Sun, sitting across, noticed Xuan wolfing down her egg like a starving ghost and nearly said something, but seeing Lian’s cautious manner, held her tongue. At that moment, Shen Yun quietly offered her mother-in-law half her egg. “Mother, you should have some too.”

Old Lady Sun averted her face. “I don’t want it. Whoever’s pregnant can eat it. Don’t play filial at the table. When you had Di, you got as thin as dried lily. I fed you eggs and chicken soup every day, and people outside still think I’m a wicked mother-in-law who starves her daughter-in-law.”

So Shen Yun withdrew her hand and finished her own portion.

After the family finished eating, Old Lady Sun, Lian, and Xuan stayed in the kitchen to wash up. Ying took Di outside to play. Zhu Ming and his two sons picked up their tools and headed to the fields. Shen Yun, being pregnant, returned to her room to do some needlework.

While working, Xuan kept her head down until she heard Old Lady Sun say, “Xuan, why not skip school this year?”

Xuan stayed silent, and Old Lady Sun continued, “If you don’t go, I’ll make you a new dress for your birthday this year. How about that?”

Still Xuan said nothing.

Old Lady Sun, impatient, raised her voice. “Can’t you answer? I’m talking to you.”

Xuan placed the washed bowls in the cupboard, then looked up seriously at her grandmother. Her eyes were exceptionally clear. “Grandmother, are you planning to stop us girls from going to school altogether? Only big brother and big sister get to go?”

Old Lady Sun stared at her, stunned for a moment, but replied directly, “Only you and Ying can’t go. Di will still get to go. Your brother Tang isn’t suited to study, but Di has to try when he’s older. If our family can raise a scholar, with such a brother, you’ll have pride when you marry out.”

Xuan’s face flushed red as she closed the cupboard. “No.”

Lian, sitting nearby, was surprised and looked up. She saw her second sister, Xuan, with a look of stubborn defiance. “No, I won’t accept it.”

“You’re such a stubborn girl, always going against your elders! Even if school is free, you still need to buy pens and ink. If you insist on going, then Ying will have to go too, and we can’t send all three girls. Do you think we’re landlords, that everyone can study? If you want to learn to read, ask your sister Lian—she’s been to school. But does everyone have to go?” Old Lady Sun’s words came like a string of firecrackers.

Lian nodded in agreement. “Xuan, if you want to learn, I’ll teach you. School isn’t as much fun as you think.”

Xuan puffed out her cheeks. She realized only then that she could learn to read from Lian anyway.

But she was still unwilling—not because she truly longed for school, since she didn’t even know what it looked like.

She just felt a nameless frustration burning inside her—why should it be this way?

A fire seemed to kindle in her eyes as she said, “If none of us girls can go, I’ll accept it. But if Di can, then I will too!”

Yes, that was it. Otherwise, it wasn’t fair. She sensed this injustice instinctively and wanted to fight for herself—not because she coveted school, but because she wanted fairness.

Old Lady Sun stared at her in disbelief. “Who do you think you are that you can decide who goes to school? Why shouldn’t Di go if you and Ying can’t? If nobody goes, that’s fair—but this isn’t up to you!”

Xuan, still bristling, retorted, “Then why can Di go but not us? If everyone’s denied, I’ll accept it. But this way—I don’t.”

Her stubbornness reminded Old Lady Sun of the days when she’d bite as a child. Furious, she shouted, “You little wretch! Talking to me about fairness? You’ll accept things because I say so! I’m your grandmother!”

Xuan wanted to say more, but Lian tugged her hand, signaling her to stop. Xuan’s eyes blinked, and two clear tears fell. Overcome with grievance, she looked at Old Lady Sun, then broke free from Lian’s grasp and ran out.

From her room, Shen Yun, hearing the commotion, came to see what was happening. She arrived just in time to see Xuan running out. Old Lady Sun’s face was pale with anger. “Let her go, let her run wild! That girl is infuriating!”

Xuan ran outside, the sound of Old Lady Sun’s voice behind her, and quickened her pace, leaving home behind.