Chapter Four: Desires and Memories

I finally snapped out of it and hurriedly pried her hands away, saying, "Qiu Jieqin, you really are drunk. Stop talking nonsense and get some rest."

Qiu Jieqin pouted, sulking, "Who says I'm drunk? I'm not drunk at all! I'm perfectly clear-headed. Let go of my hand—you're hurting me." I quickly released her, and once again, I fell into her trap. She giggled and wrapped her arms around my neck anew. Without waiting for any reaction from me, she pressed her lips fiercely against mine. I felt a cool, slippery, wet thing slip into my mouth, pushing past my teeth, darting about and exploring everywhere.

For a moment, my mind exploded as if struck by lightning, stars bursting before my eyes, my whole body trembling, unable to move. Qiu Jieqin swiftly found my tongue and entwined hers around it, indulging in every passionate technique imaginable. I never realized how much could be done with a single tongue.

Moreover, this was the first time in my life I had ever kissed a woman!

I was shocked and flustered, frozen at the edge of the bed, unsure what to do.

Then Qiu Jieqin revealed her skillful art of seduction. As she sucked and twirled my tongue, saliva flooding my mouth, her hand slipped under my sweater, tracing sensitive spots across my body.

God! I was a genuine virgin—how could I withstand this kind of teasing? Heat surged through me, my blood boiling, breath quickening. Seeing my reaction, Qiu Jieqin was clearly aroused. She released my tongue and whispered coyly in my ear, "Are you just a block of wood? Why are your hands stiff there? Touch me!"

Honestly, by then, I was barely conscious. For the first time in twenty-seven years, lust overtook my mind. My hand instinctively slipped beneath her sweater’s hem, groping fiercely at the female chest I had always longed for. Even separated by her underwear, I could feel her astonishing size and firmness under my grip.

Apparently, my roughness hurt her—she let out a coquettish, "Ouch," then bit my ear, nibbling as she murmured, "Dead man, can't you be gentle? You nearly crushed it."

She had completely ignited my desire. With a burst of strength, I threw her onto the bed, pounced, clumsily pulling at her clothes, driven by a single thought—to strip her bare.

But women’s clothing is a puzzle I couldn’t unravel; after tugging for ages, nothing came off. In desperation, I pulled up all her tops, pushing them above her shoulders, including her bra.

Two tall, snowy-white mounds bounced free from her clothes, swaying enticingly. At the sight, I trembled. It was true! It was truly my first time seeing such a sight with my own eyes!

With a trembling hand, I slowly caressed the snowy softness, watching as it changed shape beneath my touch...

Qiu Jieqin was unusually obedient then, lying motionless on the bed, letting me do as I pleased. Her cheeks flushed, breath uneven, body quivering—she was clearly aroused.

Leaning down, I took one of her nipples in my mouth, licking fervently. Qiu Jieqin finally couldn’t remain still; she moaned softly, her body arching upward, one hand gripping my neck tightly. Whether she was pulling up or pressing down, I couldn’t tell, but it didn’t matter anymore.

She sat up, removed all the clothes pushed onto her shoulders, then began to undress me. We kissed and undressed together; soon, I was left in only a shirt, and she in just her underwear.

Watching me unbutton my shirt, Qiu Jieqin slid her white panties down, suddenly whispering with deep feeling, "Tang Qian, I’ve waited so long for this day. I truly love you. Do you love me?"

Originally lost in passion, I was staring intently at her almost-bared lower body when her word of love pierced my ears. In that instant, the last clarity in my mind asked: "Do you love this woman before you?"

Of course not!

Suddenly, I snapped out of my daze, cold sweat breaking out on my back.

What was I doing? With a woman I didn’t love, I was about to commit such a reckless act. Tang Qian, have you really sunk so low that any woman’s seduction can make you lose your mind?

I was overwhelmed with shame, wishing the earth could swallow me.

Qiu Jieqin, unaware, stripped off her last piece of clothing, opening her arms to me with deep affection: "Tang Qian, my love, come; I give you everything."

"No, no!" I took a step forward, grabbed the bed covers and wrapped her up. "I—I can’t do this."

Her passionate mood suddenly evaporated, and she stared blankly, "What? What’s wrong?"

While hastily putting my clothes back on, I said, "Sorry, it seems I drank too much tonight. I behaved like a beast, but thankfully I didn’t go too far. Otherwise, I’d never forgive myself."

Qiu Jieqin said, "What do you mean, beast? I want this, so what are you afraid of? Come here."

I truly was afraid of her. After buttoning my coat, I said urgently, "It’s late. I should go. You get some rest, too. Goodbye!" With that, I moved to open the door.

Seeing I wasn’t joking and was really about to leave, Qiu Jieqin panicked, jumped from the bed, "Tang Qian! Stop right there!" Afraid she’d chase after me, I rushed out the door. Qiu Jieqin was about to follow, but when she reached the doorway, a cold gust hit her, reminding her she was completely naked. She hurriedly shut the door, terrified.

Behind the door, Qiu Jieqin was overwhelmed—anger, sadness, surprise, shame, regret, confusion—all at once, nearly driving her mad. From inside came the sound of things being smashed; I had no idea what she destroyed...

I rushed into the night; the icy wind sobered me instantly. I was ashamed of my reckless actions. Walking along the street, I pulled out a cigarette, struggling to light it against the wind. I inhaled deeply, trying to calm my turbulent emotions.

That night, I returned home very late. Alone, I sat on a stone bench in Riverside Park, smoking seven or eight cigarettes, my mind wandering through countless memories, including those from my high school days...

That year, I was nineteen, a senior.

From grade school through high school, my academic performance was always excellent, among the top in my year. Quiet and obedient, I was seen as a model student by teachers. After entering high school, I showed remarkable aptitude in physics and chemistry, consistently scoring at the top. I even won several city and provincial competitions, earning a modest reputation at school. But I wasn’t talkative or social, preferring to study alone.

I remember one noon during a lunch break, I was reading under an old tree by the playground. Suddenly, I heard a silvery female voice behind me, "Tang Qian, so this is where you are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you!"

I turned and saw a beautiful girl with a ponytail, big eyes, and red lips smiling at me. I recognized her as Qiu Jieqin, the class publicity officer.

Qiu Jieqin was much more famous than I was. Her nickname was "The Boys’ Killer," meaning no boy could resist her charm, all inevitably falling for her. She was a star at our school, captivating every boy between sixteen and nineteen. I’d heard about her antics—she seemed to have a natural flirtatious streak, always making boys pine for her, turning their heads, which gave her a sense of satisfaction and superiority. Such episodes happened more than once.

I disapproved of her behavior and had never spoken a word to her.

I hadn’t expected her to seek me out today.

I replied coldly, "What do you want?"

Qiu Jieqin leaned against the tree, striking what she thought was her most alluring pose, flashing her most enchanting smile. "This Saturday, I want to publish a weekly bulletin on physics and chemistry in the grade’s wall newspaper. But my science skills are terrible, so I’m afraid I’ll mess it up. I know you’re the best in physics and chemistry in the year, so I wanted to consult you, hear your opinions, maybe get your help with planning. I’d be very grateful!" She blinked her bright eyes expectantly at me.

Since it was a matter of study, I didn’t give it much thought. I’d recently read a renowned foreign chemistry book, full of insights not taught in class. I said, "Alright, publishing a physics and chemistry bulletin is a great idea. I should help. How about I write a few articles before Saturday and give them to you?"

Qiu Jieqin’s dark eyes sparkled. "That’s good, but since you’re the chief editor, I think you should join the whole process—layout and illustrations should be your call. I can be your assistant, how about that?"

I considered it and was actually tempted, so I agreed, "Alright, I’ll come Saturday. What time exactly?"

Qiu Jieqin was delighted, "Nine in the morning. I’ll bring all the materials and wait for you at the blackboard. Just bring your articles."

"Alright, I’ll be there on time."

"Thanks in advance. See you!"

"See you!"

I went back to reading, unaware that after walking a few steps away, Qiu Jieqin turned to smile triumphantly at a group of girls standing nearby and flashed a victory sign with her right hand.