Chapter Ninety-Seven: Hard to Read Thoughts

He stared at me, and there was a trace of fear in his eyes. “My sister, has she really fallen for you?” he asked, and beneath the question there was even a thread of hope, hoping I would tell him his worry was needless.

“Didn’t you already guess?” I said.

His gaze turned to despair. He closed his eyes, placed both hands on the steering wheel, and lightly struck his forehead against the backs of his hands, looking utterly disheartened, as though filled with regret.

Though I had not developed any real affection for his sister, I was deeply moved by the purity of a young girl’s first love. I was troubled and pleased at once, and I treasured it too; all the disgust and resentment I had felt when I first met her had vanished completely. Yet when I saw that he reacted to the truth with such an attitude, I could not help feeling a faint dissatisfaction and anger. Was my sister liking me really so unworthy in your eyes? Was Tang Qian, in your heart, truly someone so impossible to love?

At last he turned back again, sighed, and said, “That thing you were just talking about, the guidance of love or whatever it was—you said it should be explained more clearly. Then go on. I’d like to hear what use it is.”

I was already somewhat annoyed, and the long speech I had meant to give lost all appeal at once. I no longer felt like saying much. I merely said, “It’s simple. Your sister is still very young, and she doesn’t understand what love is at all. Right now she only finds me amusing and interesting. Think of it like a child with a new toy: at first it is novel, and she likes it so much she can’t bear to put it down. But after a while, once the novelty wears off and she grows tired of playing, she’ll toss that toy aside and treat it no differently from any old toy she has already grown bored with. That’s clear enough, isn’t it? So there’s really no need for you to worry, and no need to be afraid. After some time, your sister will naturally forget me.”

He digested my words for a long while and found them rather reasonable. Somewhat relieved yet still a little uneasy, he said, “What you say does make sense, but what if she can’t forget you?”

I laughed. “How could that be? I’ve only known your sister for a few days. We don’t understand each other at all. She’s still childish by nature, forever changeable. As her mind gradually matures and her life experience grows richer, do you really think she’ll still like a man more than ten years older than her, and one who’s rather ugly to boot?”

He burst out laughing again. “You’re not that ugly!” he said. “She even called you Brother Tang Qian!”

But now his face was all smiles, and he looked much more relaxed. Clearly my words had persuaded him; once his worries vanished, he immediately grew cheerful.

His happiness only made me feel as though a stone had lodged in my chest, and I was rather displeased. I had originally meant to mock him for calling me Brother Tang Qian as well, but then I decided against it. There was no need to make myself annoying. I lifted my wrist to check the time: 12:49. Good heavens, it was almost one in the morning. By the time I got to Gu Ruoyan’s place and coaxed her to sleep, I would basically not be sleeping tonight at all. Though I had slept through the afternoon yesterday, a person’s biological clock is like that; when the hour comes, drowsiness keeps washing over you.

So I said to him, “It really is very late. If you don’t hurry and send me home, by the time you come back there won’t be much time left for you to sleep.”

He gave an “oh,” started the car again, and said with a laugh, “It’s fine. I just got back from the American production crew. This drama won’t start shooting until March next year. To prepare properly for such a major project, I’m planning to turn down some of next year’s other film and television offers and stay home to get ready in earnest. So I’ll be very free during this period. Aside from having promised the record company that I’d record a new album, I’ll be home almost every day. At worst I can just sleep in the mornings and not get up.”

“Is this movie really that important to you? Do you need three months to prepare?” I asked, somewhat puzzled.

“It is very important, but not as serious as you make it sound. Mostly I’ll use this time to get familiar with the script and memorize my lines. I don’t need to worry about the acting—there’s one of the world’s top directors, after all. I’ll just do whatever he says. My English, though, still isn’t quite up to par, so I’m planning to use this free time to cram hard and avoid making such a fool of myself when I speak that people laugh their heads off. Oh, right! Isn’t your fiancee fluent in American English? I want to ask her to help tutor me. Do you agree?”

Frowning, I said angrily, “How many times do I have to tell you before you remember? Hua Jingjing is not my fiancee!”

He was in excellent spirits, and at that he could not help laughing. At first it was soft, faint, then it turned into outright giggles. I did not know what nerve he had struck, but once he started laughing, he simply could not stop. In the end he was laughing so hard his whole body shook, and he could no longer even drive properly. He had to step on the brake again and pull over.

He immediately bent over the steering wheel and roared with laughter, unable to catch his breath.

I said in baffled fury, “What are you laughing at? Was what I said really that funny?”

“S-sorry... I... I can’t help it... just a moment and... hahahaha... no, I can’t—”

He was laughing so helplessly that even explaining himself was difficult, and that only made me angrier. “If you keep this up, I’m getting out of the car. Honestly, what’s wrong with you?”

He waved a hand frantically, and after a long while finally recovered. Straightening up, he wiped the tears from the corners of his eyes and said, “I’m really sorry. I was out of line again. Don’t take it to heart. I... let’s keep going.” Saying that, he started the car once more, and as he drove, he still kept reaching up now and then to wipe his eyes, which only proved how thoroughly I had just amused him.

Though annoyed, I had actually wanted to know why on earth he had laughed at me so badly. But on second thought, I worried that if he said something even more infuriating, I might not be able to restrain myself. If we quarreled, it would be hard to clean things up afterward.

So I forced myself to endure it and said nothing, leaning back in my seat and closing my eyes to rest.

His breathing returned to normal. After a while, he asked, “Are you angry? Why aren’t you speaking?”

I said, “No. I’m just tired.”

“Is that so? Then I’ll drive a little faster.”

The Lamborghini accelerated, shot out of the mountain road, and merged onto the highway.

Because I remained silent, the atmosphere in the car immediately grew heavy. After a moment, he could no longer bear it and said to me, “You really are angry? I’m sorry. I wasn’t laughing at you just now. I only remembered how my sister and I were hiding behind the curtains earlier, listening to Hua Jingjing’s wonderful performance, and I really couldn’t hold back again. I absolutely meant nothing else, so don’t misunderstand me!”

I opened my eyes and remembered how, back then, Hua Jingjing had thought no one was in the room and had boldly spoken those shameless words, doing everything she could to seduce me into taking her. At the time I had truly been awkward beyond belief, anxious in vain but unable to say so plainly. The scene had been absurd enough to make anyone laugh, and no wonder he had ended up like that.

I could not help it and let out a snort of laughter myself. Seeing me laugh, he knew I would not blame him anymore, and he began laughing along with me.

The more I thought about that scene, the funnier it became. I laughed so hard I nearly doubled over, tears almost spilling from my eyes. He laughed, “How annoying! You’re laughing like that yourself, and you were just blaming me for having something wrong with me. You’re the one who has something wrong!”

I held back my laughter and said, “If you don’t tell me, how am I supposed to know what you were thinking? You suddenly got so amused like that—if that’s not something wrong, what is?”

He gave me an eye roll. “You really are ignorant.”

The heavy mood in the car vanished in a flash of shared laughter.

We had already entered the city when he suddenly sighed and said, “I think Jingjing really does love you very much. We’ve been classmates for so many years, and when have I ever seen her use even the tactic of seduction just to get a man? I really can’t believe it. Someone as outstanding as Jingjing, with such a good background, and so beautiful, and being so actively in pursuit of you—how could she fail to move your heart at all? I’m very curious. What kind of woman is your girlfriend, to make you, Tang Qian, so resolute in will and so loyal in feeling?”

The smile faded from my face, and my heart ached.

Loyal in feeling? Me?

Not necessarily.

Didn’t you know who it is I love? In the study earlier, though I never said it outright, my devotion, my actions—how could you possibly not understand them? And now you say I’m resolute in will and loyal in feeling. What does that mean? Are you testing me?

I could not fathom the depths of his mind. This woman was strange: at times she could seem as innocent as a child, and at other times her schemes were so deep they inspired fear. Among all the women I had ever known, she was the one I could least read and least understand. As a friend, I would sometimes feel that she valued me greatly, that she would even beg and weep to keep me as her friend; yet at other times, from the bottom of her heart, she would look down on me, thinking I was not worth loving at all. Even when her sister fell in love with me, she found it inconceivable and impossible to accept.

I suddenly remembered what had happened last time. It seemed she believed that any woman who fell in love with me was making a terrible mistake. When she saw Hua Jingjing with me, she did not ask why; she rushed to break us apart, even at great expense, trying to buy me off. And now, when her sister had fallen for me, she had set aside all pride and begged me to let her sister go. How strange. Could it be that in her eyes, Tang Qian was so unworthy of being loved by a woman?

I did not answer her question and fell silent.

She seemed to realize she had asked at the wrong time, and so she did not press me further.

I noticed the car turn after crossing an intersection, heading toward my home. I hurriedly said, “Wait, you’re going the wrong way. I need to go to Azure Cloud Residence.”

She froze for a moment. “Azure Cloud Residence? Don’t you live in Hua Xia Residence?”

I was not the least surprised that she knew where I lived. After all, her brother and sister had both been to my place, and even the reports from her subordinates had tracked me there before. So I did not react with any surprise, only said, “I still have something to do, so I won’t go home yet. Just take me to Azure Cloud Residence, thank you.”

She said, “Why so polite all of a sudden? Where is Azure Cloud Residence? I’m not too familiar with some of these places.”

With my guidance, she turned the car around and drove the Lamborghini to the building where Gu Ruoyan lived. Just as I was about to open the door and get out, I heard her say softly, “At this hour, going to someone else’s home... it must be your girlfriend, then. You and she... are living together already?”