Volume One, Chapter 115: Stone Thunder’s Challenge

Tu Zhe’s original intention was merely to tease Cassiopeia a little and then part ways as soon as possible. He never expected that Cassiopeia would actually be so fixated on him.

Damn it, does she think I have the potential to be a gigolo?

What was that nonsense she was singing? Talking about thirty, forty, fifty? This old dame has to be at least several tens of thousands of years old, if not a hundred thousand. Does she really think she can set her sights on a pure, handsome, and dashing young man like me?

Tu Zhe’s head began to throb.

What made his head throb even more was that as Cassiopeia spoke, she enthusiastically invited him into her carriage, casting such coquettish glances that it nearly made Tu Zhe retch.

Little Lei was teasing him from the side, saying, "Go ahead, brother, I believe in you, haha."

"Little bandit, what do you mean by that? What exactly do you believe in your brother for? Don't you trust that I possess the noble moral character and high-minded integrity to keep myself untainted?"

"Do you think I can't withstand the barrage of sugar-coated bullets and seductive beauties? Do you think I can't keep what's in my trousers under control?"

"Damn it—"

I refuse to believe it. Will I really be moved by a tramp like Cassiopeia? Will I really lose control? Damn, back on Earth, I never even masturbated while watching Sola Aoi’s AVs. Cassiopeia? Does she really have the ability to knock me off my feet?

And so, under the watchful eyes of everyone, Chairman Tu boarded Cassiopeia’s carriage, rubbing shoulders and bumping into the Queen—well, passively, of course.

Tu Zhe felt nauseated, so he became reticent. To Cassiopeia, however, this was just the bashfulness of a young lad, which only made her more enamored. She repeatedly signaled her handmaidens to bring forth jade-like nectar and exquisite delicacies to coax little brother Tu Zhe into eating and drinking.

The two groups merged and traveled together, heading toward the star where Andromeda resided.

It was not that Tu Zhe wanted to see Andromeda, but rather that her dwelling was very close to the star Wall-Su II, governed by the Bi-Shui-Yu star-maiden Su He, so their paths were the same.

Tu Zhe reasoned that with such a wanton woman around, he might at least avoid unnecessary trouble and chatter when encountering other great gods of the Andromeda constellation.

Meanwhile, on Wall-Su II, Bi-Shui-Yu Su He and her younger sister were grandly welcoming the arrival of the Thunder Patriarch and his entourage, who were inspecting the northern frontier.

This time, the Thunder Patriarch had personally led the three divisions of the Thunder Department, including judges Xu Xun, Ge Xuan, and Zhang Ling; the Supreme Commander of Thunder and Lightning, the True Lord of Thunder and Mighty Demon-Subduing; General Shi Lei, the right attendant to the Thunder Patriarch; Jiang You, the Southern Red Sky Fire-Light Earthquake Thunder Emperor among the Five Directional Thunder Emperors; and fifteen of the thirty-six Thunder Department generals, along with one hundred thousand troops under their command. They arrived at Wall-Su II in such a magnificent and overwhelming fashion that it left Su He and her sister completely stunned.

Oh my god, is this an inspection? This looks like they’re here to wage war!

They ushered the Thunder Patriarch into the library—the location of the most luxurious guest house and conference room among the stars of the Wall constellation.

As soon as the Thunder Patriarch sat down in the conference room, he said with a warm and approachable smile, "I have plenty of time on this visit, so I intend to look around. The Ten Stars of the Heavenly Stable are quite nice, and I would very much like to see if any unusual breeds have emerged among the Heavenly Horses in recent years. Star-Host Su He, would that cause any inconvenience?"

When Su He heard this, she nearly wet her pants.

My goodness, why do you have to go to the Heavenly Stable stars of all places? The True Martial Great Emperor has just stationed a large number of troops on that desolate star. If you see them, how on earth am I supposed to explain?

Little Pig, who was nearby, saw Su He’s distress and was not pleased. He didn't care if it was the Thunder Patriarch or not, and spoke up directly: "Lord Thunder Patriarch, look here. I believe the notice we received was for an inspection of the disrepair at the Small Thunder Pond, right? If you go wandering everywhere, wouldn't that give people grounds to claim that you, Great Emperor, are abusing your public position for private gain? A wagging tongue can be a dangerous thing, so I humbly ask you, sir, to think twice before acting..."

That the Room-Fire-Pig Lu Sheng dared to contradict the Thunder Patriarch so directly was something no one had expected; even the Thunder Patriarch looked at him with an expression of utter disbelief.

He truly had the heart of a Azure Dragon and the guts of a White Tiger.

Do you know what kind of existence the Thunder Patriarch is? Even if his cultivation realm isn't the absolute peak among the giants, he is still a giant nonetheless. He is a person with the status of a head of state; how could a minor official like you, who is at most comparable to a provincial official, dare to say that the plans and intentions of the Thunder Patriarch are problematic or inappropriate?

To put it bluntly, wouldn't any of the officials accompanying the Thunder Patriarch have a higher rank than you? Do you know what it means to commit an act of insubordination? In other words, do you have a death wish?

Room-Fire-Pig didn't see it that way.

Damn it, so what if you’re the Thunder Patriarch? Is our True Martial Great Emperor inferior to you? I, Old Pig, follow the True Martial Great Emperor; I have nothing to do with you. I contradicted you, so what? Bite me!

If you think Old Pig is a fool, he actually knows how to weigh the stakes.

Look at how obsequious he is to the True Martial Great Emperor; he’s almost licking Zhi Guangji’s heels. But when facing the Thunder Patriarch, he could manage to show no respect and put him on the spot in front of others. What do you call this?

This is called a real man knowing when to bend and when to stand tall, understand? If the True Martial Great Emperor saw this scene, he might reprimand him a few times to keep up appearances, but behind his back, he would definitely say, "Haha, little Pig is not bad; he’s gained face for me," and so on.

If the Thunder Patriarch wanted to swat Old Pig to death, it would take only a split second. But could he do it? If he really did, that guy, the True Martial Great Emperor, would definitely turn hostile. That fellow is known as the ancestor of the martial path of the Northern Heavens, and his power is terrifyingly strong; the Thunder Patriarch really couldn't afford to offend him.

The lightning in the Thunder Patriarch’s eyes flickered, but then his face broke into a smile. "So that’s it, little Pig. You dare to speak your mind. Among the officials of the Three Enclosures and Four Symbols, this quality is indeed rare, isn't it? Hehe, look at you all; is there anyone who, like little Pig, is unafraid of power and dares to express their own views?"

Damn it, this is him complaining that his own subordinates don't have anyone with the wit to stand out. As a Heavenly Venerable, is it beneath your dignity to haggle with a fool like this?

The problem is, just because the Thunder Patriarch can’t lower himself to argue, it doesn't mean you lot can't, right? Hmm, the quality of the officials really needs improvement.

While the Thunder Patriarch was feeling bothered, General Shi Lei, the right attendant to the Thunder Patriarch, stepped forward. He bowed to Old Lu and said expressionlessly:

"You are the Star-Host Room-Fire-Pig, are you not? I am Shi Lei. I admire your courage and integrity, and I have heard that among all the Star-Hosts of the northern frontier, you are the most favored by the True Martial Great Emperor. It is said that the Great Emperor has even passed on many peerless martial arts to you. I have no other hobbies in life, only a passion for martial arts. Seeing a worthy opponent, I am tempted. I implore you to grant me a lesson, I hope you will not refuse. Please!"

As he spoke, he stretched out a hand and pointed to the square outside the hotel. Everyone understood what he meant.

When Old Pig heard this, he knew trouble had arrived.

The question is, am I afraid of trouble?

Damn it, it’s one thing for you lot to throw your weight around in the Jade Capital of the Divine Heavens, but you come to my territory and try to suppress me?

I may be the local bully, but are you sure you’re the powerful dragon?

Old Pig looked at the pitiful-looking Su He nearby and suddenly felt a surge of heroic spirit. Damn those bastards and their neighbors too; if I don’t gain some face for little sister Su today, looking at this situation, there’s no telling what kind of tricks that old fart, the Thunder Patriarch, might pull.

When soldiers come, block them; when water comes, earth covers it. We, Old Pig, are not only good at martial arts, but our fire burns quite brightly too.

Old Pig looked at the Thunder Patriarch with his oily little eyes.

The Thunder Patriarch laughed heartily and said, "The people of our Three Enclosures value martial arts, so a friendly spar is acceptable. However, pay attention: do not turn this into a life-or-death struggle. Stop when you’ve made your point, do you hear?"